Boston Company Offering 40 Bucks A Day For Your Poop

Boston.com – Are you under 50 years old, willing to make daily trips to Medford, and have regular bowel movements? You, my friend, could be earning $40 a day—just for pooping. All you have to do is visit OpenBiome, launched in 2012 as the only independent nonprofit stool bank in the country. The brainchild of MIT postdoctoral associate Mark Smith, OpenBiome collects, tests, and provides fecal samples to 122 hospitals in 33 states for one of the most interesting medical treatment innovations today: fecal microbiota transplantation. “Think of us as a blood bank, but for poop,” said Smith, who developed OpenBiome when he saw the gap in the medical structure to provide many patients with the life-saving fecal samples. “You shouldn’t have to fly across the country to get poop.” While large hospitals and health systems have their own stool banks, many independent physicians and hospitals often do not. This is where OpenBiome comes in, selling them poop at $250 per sample. That’s one price point for a 250mL sample of fecal microbiota prepared for a lower transplant delivery (yep, that low) or a 30mL sample for an upper transplant delivery (through your nose).

Well it looks like the days of me taking Hank for granted are over. Previoulsy I could bully him, push him around, yell at him, elect him Mayor of the Scumbag Club because I knew he had nowhere else to go. No other career paths available to him. He was stuck here. (Him deciding he wanted to become the heir to the Taco Bell throne notwithstanding) Well that just changed. I mean Hank has professional pooper written all over him. Like some guys were born to blog. Some guys were born to work a camera. Some guys were born to poop. I think we know where Hank fits on that spectrum. And 40 bucks a day is like triple what he gets paid here. I can’t believe I’m about to enter negotiations vs. poop for Hank’s services. I need Hank. I’m not just gonna lie down and let Poop steal him from me. Poop wants a fight? Poop will get a fight!